Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Rice is nice

If there is anything as satisfying as rice pudding, I haven't met him yet.
There are cool drinks on hot summer days, turkey gravy on mashed potatoes and rice pudding in that order of highly satisfying food to dine on.

I used to belong to a fringe group of people who baked their rice pudding, same basic ingredients but blapped into the oven for hours and hours only to get sweet golden baked rice. In the words of so many stereotypical movie side kicks...
"Oh no you didn't"
So no, I don't,
bake rice pudding anymore - it's nothin’ but stovetop for me.

This is the only recipe I've ever purposely used raisins. 
Little know fact: Raisins remain the most unholy of all the dried shrivel fruits,  Eve didn't offer Adam an apple, she offered him a box of raisins. A millennium of re-editing the bible turned the raisins to an apple, but sure as you are reading this blog, the Devil had a "fun sized" box of Sunmaid raisins ready for unsuspecting souls. Why do you think adults hand them to children at Halloween?? They're the food of the devil; adults just follow the tradition of trying to corrupt the innocent through the power of the wrinkly grape.   All true.
"Hey Adam, you wanna box of raisins?"

In this recipe you'll learn the awesome power of rice to counteract the evil lurking in the raisin, just don't deviate...unless you feel lucky punk, well, do ya?

  • 1 c. short grain white rice
  • 1/4 c. sugar or sweet stuff of your choice
  • 2 c. water
  • 2 c. milk or milk substitute
  • 1/2 c. raisins
  • Vanilla, extract (ghetto) or 1 scraped bean pod (gourmet) it's up to you
  • 1/4 c. coconut water, milk or cream

Place the first 5 ingredients in a saucepan EXCEPT the vanilla extract and coconut
Say some prayers to the gods of good will asking they protect you from the evils evoked when you pulled out the raisins.
Turn that pan right up and get a boil started - stir often and do not scold the milk...seriously it's sensitive. 
Turn the heat to a low temp and feel free to stir the pudding frequently, remember we're making a pudding so whip those starches up.
When you think it's about done, that's when you introduce the vanilla and coconut. Coconut? But why? It's in ambrosia, ambrosia is the foods of the gods, ergo, and it’ll counter balance the evil raisins.

Remember to hold off to allow this puddin’ to cool before performing a triple twisting double pike in, a direct hit of rice puddin’ immediately after cooking with burn you taste buds off. Take a break; relax and the world will be your pudding.

Eat, in good taste.

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